I went to go see Vertigo on the big screen revival a few years back and sat mesmerized as I watched Kim Novak portray this woman without a conscience. It was incredible. There was my mother alive and breathing on the big screen. If you know this movie, then you know my mother. My mother looked like Kim Novak exactly in this movie. They acted the same. They were almost one in the same.
My mother did systematically chase after law students and date only law students until she found one that would marry her. She hung out in the law library and studied only there so she could catch herself a rich husband. I’m surprised one would want to date a woman like that. But my father knew this about her, and still fell in love and married her. My mother married herself a future rich husband and then promptly dropped out of college.
I have always liked saying that they got what they deserved with each other. They made themselves miserable in their so called love for each other. I’ve never seen two more unhappy people in my entire life as my mother and father. Of course, they raised a brood of unhappy children, but some of us have broken free of the wrath of my parents. One can only imagine how much hatred was broiling around inside their being to inflict such emotional and physical pain on their children.
I believe my mother was very calculating just like Kim Novak’s character in Vertigo. The character was very shallow and callous towards James Stewart’s character. She pretended to have fallen in love with the man, but how could she really? Not after what she had done. She loved herself first and foremost. I know you need to know this movie to know what this means.
Now imagine this woman in a different setting. Pretend she hadn’t died, but had married James Stewart’s character. And they had children together! That would be my mother.
This has been the story of my life. I was raised by a woman with little or no conscience. I used to make plenty of excuses for her in my younger days. One excuse was she was not as intelligent as my father. My father was a brilliant man so this statement was true. However, she was smart enough. And she was smart enough to cover her tracks with her family so completely that they never knew this woman in my blog would be their sister. Her friends would never come close to guessing at how cruel this woman was to her own children.
My mother also loved to live her life in denial. I always called her the queen of denial. Her world could have fallen apart around her ears and she’d still be trying to see what she could make for dinner.
Unfortunately, I learned this well from her and sometimes I also have lived my life in complete denial. It makes things hard, but I learned from the best.
I hope I have inspired you to go out and rent Vertigo. It is an excellent old thriller.