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family rules

Nicki Got Angry

Sometimes my little girl I used to be would get very angry at the things my parents did to me and I would act out.  That’s why my parents still have issues with me to this day.  It was the acting out they really hated.  I would act up when they really made me angry.

This one particular afternoon I had been trying to get my mother’s attention because I wanted to ask her something.  I can’t remember what it was I wanted to ask her, but it doesn’t really matter.  What does matter is that she would not take five minutes to answer my question.

She kept telling me to leave her alone.  She didn’t have time for me pestering her today.  She liked to use that word “pestering” when I was wanting her attention and she would ignore me.  It happened often in my younger years.

This day I was five years old and wanting to talk to my mommy.  She had no time for me.  It was a Wednesday because I remember her getting ready to go out with my father, and they always would go out to dinner on Wednesdays and have fun and get drunk.  She wouldn’t give me the time of day.  

So I went into her bedroom, took out her red lipstick, and drew all over the pretty wall paper in her bedroom with her bright red lipstick.  

That certainly got her attention.  She was so angry at me.

I merely looked up at her from her chair I was sitting in, and said, “Mom, I’m not like you.”

She remembers this incident to this day.  So do I.  It’s hard to forget.  I got in so much trouble that day for being insolent.  And I probably deserved it for what I did.  Except for the hitting part.  No child deserves to be hit no matter what s/he does.    And I did incur the wrath of mom for writing on her pretty wall paper in red lip stick.  It would not come out.  I had to scrum at that wall for a long time to try and get it off.  It was stubborn lipstick.  My mother had to re-paper her wall.  What a shame …. All she really had to do was give her five year old daughter five minutes of her time that day and all would have been avoided.  

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I will not be silent anymore.

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