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family rules

When I was in grade school, I loved to catch lizards. I would make a little home for them in a pie tin. I’d put in rocks, leaves and a little bowl for a pool of water. I would put together the little home first, and then I would go out and catch my lizard. I would generally keep them for one week in the tin home I had created. I would feed and water them as best I could. And then when it was obviously showing signs of unhappiness, I would set the lizard free. I would watch the lizard until they walked away.

One summer day, I had my lizard in his home. I was with my neighborhood girl friend. We were inspecting the home and we were sitting at another neighbor’s home in their front yard. We were all good friends, and this was perfectly acceptable behavior back then. I was very happy sitting there with my girl friend and playing with my lizard pet. It was a warm summer afternoon and all was good in the world. That was until Kerri showed up. The mood quickly changed. Everyone knew Kerri liked me. Everyone knew I despised Kerri. It was a total losing situation. I had not liked him since the sleeping overnight incident. And this was about three years later. Kerri came up to me and put his arm around me. And then he grabbed my boob. I was so angry I elbowed him, got up and ran to my parents house. I was very upset and ran in and told my mother what he had just done. My mother’s response was, “I thought I told you to stay away from him.” Really? Thanks Mom. There was no support. This type of thing went on for years when Kerri tried to get me out of my clothes many times. Once he tried to get me to go to our neighbor’s house. They were on vacation and he said he had a key. He tried to drag me to their house and get me to play strip poker with him. Once he followed us when we walked to the park and just stared at me while we were all on the swings. Even the other girls thought this was a bit weird.

The most dangerous thing Kerri ever did to me was when I was in 5th grade. My mother had started letting me walk the two short blocks to the local store by myself and let me buy candy or ice cream if I had been a good girl. I still remember her giving me one dollar and I would go to the local drug store and buy a ton of candy with that one dollar bill. That’s exactly what I was doing when I noticed Kerri had followed me to the mini mall. Then he came up behind me and dragged me to this small ally between two stores. He was putting his arms around me and kissing me on the mouth while trying to drag me further into the ally. I don’t exactly remember how, but I got away from him and ran all the way home. I was so scared. I ran to my bed and just cried for about an hour. It was very scary and I had gotten the idea he had wanted to throw me down and pull my clothes off. He did not care if I wanted him to do this or not. And I don’t remember how I got away, but I did. It could have ended so much worse. I do remember he was in a kind of trance state and not acting like himself. Maybe it was his odd demeanor which helped me to get away from him. But the good point is I did get away.

Not much later than this incident, I was getting changed for bed. It was summer so it was still bright daylight in the early evening. I looked out my window while I was putting my pajamas on and there was Kerri staring at me from the side of the house. I just could not help myself and started screaming at him. I was really angry and unhappy about him seeing me change into my pajamas. I could not stop crying. It took me awhile to be able to tell my parents what he had done. For some reason, this really angered my dad. He went and told Kerri’s parents about what he had done. I do not think I mentioned that the two of them had become good friends over the years. This got Kerri into a world of trouble. It was the first time anyone had acknowledged his bad behavior. His sister exploded at me and called me a liar. That friendship with his sister went down the drain.

I’m not sure how much impact this person had on my internal development. Now he makes my skin crawl. Then he was constantly making me cry.

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About advocateformutiny

I will not be silent anymore.

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