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family rules

Daddy’s Little Girl

Believe it or not, I started my first five years or so as a Daddy’s Girl.  My father used to hold my hand while walking, take me with him while working, talk to me like I was not just a child, and he would read to me.  In short, he would show me off as his beautiful intelligent little girl.  I know it’s hard for people to understand the dynamic.  On one day, he was beating the shit out of me because I dropped his favorite toy.  On the next day, he was taking me into his office and letting me play in his office.  This was a favorite activity of mine because often my father would talk to me about his work and like I was his confidante.  I could be a little girl for a short while and forget about the weight of the world I carried around on my shoulders.  Of course, John would see these things and take out his aggression on me when we returned home.  It was a real roller coaster ride for me as a child.  

My father enjoyed showing me off to his friends.  He would hold me hand and tell his friends what a pretty and smart child he had.  My mother would say it’s a miracle my father could bond with a little girl since he really did not think women were very intelligent.  My mother would tell me I have taught my father that women could be intelligent.  

I loved my father very much.

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I will not be silent anymore.

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