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family rules

Plagued by waking dreams

It was not just my nightmare slumber which began to effect me.  I also began being plagued by waking dreams which I could not control. I’m not sure exactly when these started for me. My guess would be sometime in third grade. It was typically in the morning.  I would have a hard time getting out of bed and getting ready for school in the mornings.  I would have these thoughts running through my head that I could not control.  The ones I remember most are when men would break into the house and come in to the house to hurt me.  I couldn’t stop these thoughts.  I didn’t know what to do about them.  They would definitely scare me when I did get up and start my day.  I would usually be so exhausted in school I could barely speak. I would be afraid the entire day and go to bed being fearful.  It was hard on me.  It never occurred to me to tell anyone.  It was something I had to deal with in my life.  It was added to everything else I had to deal with in my young life. It wouldn’t be every day.  Maybe once or twice a week. It became part of my routine. I had a lot of fear in my life and this added weight. I didn’t trust anyone enough to tell anyone anything in my life. It was also learned from my mother to keep my mouth shut about things that were not pretty.  I learned very well to keep my mouth shut and observe. It would be years before I could really learn to talk to a person in a one on one conversation. My waking dreams was not something I talked about to anyone for many years.

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About advocateformutiny

I will not be silent anymore.

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